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New Year but my life is the same

4 January 2009 6 Comments

Sometimes I feel that my life is like sand in the wind, where I’m going to land?

New year was just a day after yesterday, life is the same, unsolved issues are the same, life situations are the same.

After 11 days away from work tomorrow I’ll be back to the office, the need for money makes me go back…nothing else, I feel like a prisoner, I might not like being there but I definitely have to go there.

The kids tomorrow are going back to school after a 2 week vacation. I really enjoy being with them at home although I must confess, they drive me crazy, they don’t let me do anything on my own and I feel trapped on my own space. Sometimes I go to the bathroom to have a minute alone but after a few seconds one or the other are knocking at the door, they don’t let me breath. Probably this is because of all the time they spend at school and at daycare when I’m working.

Than I have the older kid, DH. When I have a little moment and want to watch a series or a movie I’m always interrupted by DH who wants sexual attention. Doesn’t he know I like to watch a movie? Where are the times when we watched a movie together in the couch without me bothering with having his hands on my boobs or somewhere else? At night when the kids are asleep and I want to blog a little why do I have to worry that he’s waiting for me in bed for sex? Why does he wake me up at 6am for sex?

When am I going to have some free time? When I die is too late so I have to find a way now, if things don’t change I don’t know…I keep saying how I feel but they don’t care, it seems they rule my life. Do they?

What about you? Do you have trouble controlling your free time?

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6 Comments »

Maricris said:

Seems like you’re experiencing a burnout. Have you thot about going away for a vacation just by yourself? Like maybe a spa getaway somewhere? I bet it will do you lots of good.

# 4 January 2009 at 6:19

ezekiel said:

just think of the people who are not blessed to have kids like you do.. and the single women who are still longing to be kissed and be hugged.. if you’ll be asked to choose, alone or with them? I know DH will understand you if you will just explain it in a nice way…

ezekiels last blog post..Survey from Dneero

# 4 January 2009 at 7:37

Laura (author) said:

MariCris you are probably right, I’m exhausted and a few days away would be great. But life is not that easy, I work 40 hours a week, my DH work more hours and getting out of here is something we never do because of lack of money. If at least once a month we could go aways I bet life would be easier. I guess for now I have to organized my time in order to have “free of stress time” for my kids. I confess…blogging does wonders on my ego and mental sanity but also takes away a great part of my free time. Sometimes pressure to read blogs and write my own is huge. Maybe I have to change this.

# 4 January 2009 at 8:56

Laura (author) said:

Ezekiel: You have a good point. Definitely I prefer having and being with them, no doubt. As I replied to Marycris, organizing my time by scheduling tasks is probably a good option.

# 4 January 2009 at 8:59

Babette said:

Why don’t you take an hour for yourself every week? Get out of the house and go somewhere quiet and just have some alone time. I sometimes get overwhelmed and I tell my husband that I need a break from the kids. Either he’ll take a drive with them or I get out of the house and do something for myself. Sometimes I just go to the library and read. )