What to Do When Your Child Throws a Tantrum
Everybody hates to see a tantrum. Perhaps you’ve been at the grocery store and watched someone else’s child throw himself on the ground and start kicking and screaming when a parent tells him he can’t have something he wants. How do you feel when you see this kind of behavior in a child? More importantly, how do you handle tantrums thrown from your own children?
Perhaps your child’s tantrums aren’t as dramatic as the one described above, but any behavior where a child begins to whine, cry or scream inconsolably, hold their breath, or lash out by kicking or hitting are all signs of a tantrum. Two- and three-year-olds are more likely to throw tantrums when they are tired, hungry, unhappy or otherwise uncomfortable but have not yet developed the skills they need to verbalize why they are upset. Many times, a child becomes frustrated because they are unable to communicate what’s wrong. Older children, however, are more likely to throw tantrums because they want to be in control. For example, they don’t want you telling them when they need to turn off the television, take a bath, or go to bed and any number of things. They want to do what they want.
If your child falls into the first category and throws tantrums because of a physical need, get down on their level and begin consistently training them to tell you what it is they want or what it is that’s hurting them. Then you can work to meet that need and often alleviate the problem. My sister-in-law does this with her children, encouraging them to “use their words” to tell her what’s wrong. Sometimes your children will need help. Asking questions like, “Where does it hurt?” or “What do you want?” can help get to the bottom of the matter.
Things get tricky, though, when your child throws tantrums when they have a need for control and are not getting what they want. It is important for you to remain calm, take deep breaths and manage your emotions. Yelling at your child will only escalate the tantrum and give them the attention they are seeking. Most times you can pretend to ignore the outburst and calmly tell your child that you will speak to them once they have calmed down. Older children can often be sent to their rooms and asked not to come out until they have stopped throwing a fit. This encourages children to take control of their own behavior and emotions. If your child throws a tantrum in a public place, it is best to take your child to a quiet area by himself or herself to calm down. When your child does decide to calm down, it’s important to lavish your child with praise. When your child is in a calm state, you can then talk to your child about what kind behavior is and is not acceptable.
It is vital that you do not give in to what a child wants in a tantrum situation, even if what they are asking for is reasonable. If you do, your child will learn that tantrums are a way of getting what they want and will continue the bad behavior. Many parents make the mistake of giving the child what they want after the child has stopped screaming as a reward for calming down. This, too, is a bad idea. Consistency is very important. If a child sees over and over that they do not get their way by having an emotional outburst, they will learn that tantrums will do them no good and slowly begin to phase them out of their behavior.
By-line:
This guest post is contributed by Kitty Holman, who writes on the topics of nursing schools. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: kitty.holman20@gmail.com.
photo credit: Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com
